10 wks

I swear there's a baby in there!!!

Right now, I wonder about that on occasion too. If it weren't for the instant nausea I get if I don't eat on a regular basis and the lack of having my period, I'd question if I were preggers. As terrified as I am to see my body go through the rapid and massive changes that are shortly in store, I can't wait to actually see some proof of this pregnancy body-wise. I know TJ's looking forward to me finally showing. He insists that he'll feel even more connected to what's going on when he can reach out and touch something. :)

This week and weeks forward, the little sprout is poised for rapid growth and weight gain! So exciting. Actually, and amazingly, most of all of his/her critical development is already completed. My little one can kick and bend his/her arms and wrists. He/she's developing little fingernails and hair on it's body. It's kind of strange to imagine this mini-baby swimming and kicking around inside of me, but exciting all at the same time!

We are also just dying to know what we're having (boy/girl). It really doesn't matter either way to either of us, but it would be so great to be able to call it by it's name and identify with it more clearly, ie: "I can't wait to take our little girl to the beach in her little baby-bikini, or I can't wait till daddy can take our little guy fishing, etc." We only have about a month and a 1/2 till we should be able to find out, and we can't wait. We're also really looking forward to our next sonogram and finally having a picture of the little one. Our next appointment's not for another 2 weeks, and being nearly at the end of the first trimester, we should have a lot to see, as opposed to the last one where we really just saw a small blob. :) So, so much to look forward to!

9 wks

I'm almost in double digits, bi*ches! ;)

Things are good this week. Still dealing with fatigue - I couldn't move yesterday. But, if this is going to be the worst of it, I'm totally fine with that.

Food cravings and aversions are always listed in the pregnancy symptoms list, and I've had very few, except for one particularly annoying one. I am having the hardest time stomaching salad dressing. I mean - just watching salad dressing commercials make me physically gag. Very difficult for the the vegetarian to handle. Difficult and unfair. I love salad, and I haven't been able to get through one in the past few weeks without struggling. Aside from that, there haven't been any really strong cravings - save a couple of trips to Dairy Queen for some soft serve with rainbow sprinkles :).

TJ and I are still plowing through our baby books. He's been reading ahead and is always excited to tell me all of the exciting things that are on their way. I'm trying to read month to month, so I have something to look forward to every couple of weeks. We've adjusted to our new, more mellow life very easily. We weren't much for late night partying anyway, and I think we are both excited for the excuse for early bedtimes.

As far as what's actually happening in there, this week the little sprout's the size of large olive. He or she has elbows that are already bending and is forming his/her knees and ankles. Muscles and cartilage are beginning to form and the baby's finally officially graduated from the embryo to fetus stage - just baby to us. :)

8 wks

This past week my best friend was in town visiting from Rhode Island. Normally, this would mean long nights of talking and drinking good red wine, while munching on yummy cheeses and other little decadent treats. Needless to say, this visit was a bit different. Fortunately, she was very accommodating to my new lifestyle restrictions, and with her insane work schedule back at home, was more than happy to indulge in afternoon naps and early bedtimes. :)

Having been feeling pretty good lately, aside from some fatigue issues, I was thrilled to plan a special girl's dinner at my favorite South Beach restaurant with my Rhode Island friend and another good girlfriend who was in for the weekend. We threw caution to the wind (a.k.a. our wallets) and indulged in cocktails (non-alc for me of course), appetizers, entree`s, and a spectacularly fabulous dessert! Then I promptly went home and threw it all up. Yeah. No joke. Just out of the blue, violently sick. I'm guessing I need to stick to more of my usual, everyday diet right now. I will say that this pregnancy keeps me guessing.

My Body is Not My Own.

I'm 28 years old. I've had 28 years to sort myself out, both physically and emotionally. On the physical front, I feel like I've gotten rather comfortable with myself - at least I know what to expect. I know what my hair will look like dried naturally, blown out or straight-ironed. I know what will hold it up and what it's texture is. I know that my skin isn't perfect and, accordingly, what kind of soap/moisturizers/skin care products work best. I know where to expect a pimple and how long it will choose to reside in that place. I know what shades of make-up work best with my skin and eyes, what fit of clothes work best with my figure and where to find all of those things. I know how quickly I gain weight and where, what to do to lose it and about how long that will take. I've had a lot of time to work those things out, and regardless of whether the results are always what I'm wanting, I at least have a good idea of what to expect.

Enter pregnancy.

Here's what I was unaware of:
That "pregnancy glow"? Well, that's your hormones working in over-drive, giving my naturally non-oily face an oil-slick to deal with. Not having the right skin products to deal with this new development turned that oil-slick into pimples in odd places and left the make-up I own ill-equipped to handle the aforementioned oily skin. Those same hormones that people say make the hair on your head beautiful and shiny also make your hair grow ridiculously fast. Nothing like looking like "amazon-lady" if you don't shave under your arms and your legs EVERY freaking day. Unbelievable. The weight gain is still minimal, but it's in such an odd place that I'm left looking like the girl walking around that just can't hold her stomach in. All I need to do now is walk around a gas station barefoot and I'll have the Britney Spear's pregnancy look down pat. And, finally, what this tiny, little sprout is doing to my insides is like the first little rebellion against me of his or her life! I have to eat every few hours or else I'm instantly nauseous, and all the fabulously healthy food that I'm eating for this little one has made me horrendously constipated. Sorry for the too much information, but let the truth be told! My beautiful gym routine and "regular" cycle - all terrifically disturbed. I spent my entire weekend trying different "methods" to coax my body back into it's normal routine. Fabulous.

Now, don't get me wrong. This baby is a through and through blessing, and I'm very thrilled to be carrying it. And certainly, many women deal with much worse problems. I'm clearly aware of that fact. It's just this strange sense of not knowing what to expect from myself. Each week is a new set of rules as far as what I can eat and do, etc. This constantly changing environment is quite a challenge for someone who enjoys a (at least) basic sense of control over her life.

I can't say I'm one of those women who is blissful with her pregnancy experience so far, but I can say that I'm ok with it. And furthermore, I'm over the moon with what the outcome will be. And, you know what,"ok" is something I think I can learn to live with. :)

7 weeks

So here I am at the 7 week mark. It's strange, because when I say it that way, it seems like it's so early that I'm practically not pregnant at all. At the same time, these past 3 weeks feel as if they were really 3 months. Maybe it's just because we've been faced with everything in our lives changing within these few weeks - maybe it's because so much is changing with my body so fast. Eitherway, it's very surreal.

Aside from the fact that I'm ridiculously tired ALL the time, I find myself wanting to be nowhere but home now. I just want to be curled up on my couch and I want to be with TJ constantly. (My book said this could happen.) It's an inexplicable desire. Not that I didn't want to spend time with my husband previously; I've always enjoyed that. But now, I want to be curled up on the couch with him and that's it - all.the.time. I guess the only way I can describe it is that I want to feel as close to him physically as this event in our lives is making me feel emotionally. I want to be able to look in his eyes and smile and laugh with him as we talk about this new little one and what it means for us, and I want to feel safe and comfortable in his arms while my whole world is changing. He's been very obliging to my clingy-ness and I love him for it.

Then there's a whole other part of my psyche that is telling me to get up and go! To jam as much as I possibly can into these precious months before all is changed. To enjoy this time being a "single being" - not directly responsible for the life and well-being of another. Go to the beach while you still have a pre-pregnancy body, enjoy evenings out with friends, make last minute decisions to quietly window-shop at your favorite home-stores - maybe finding a good deal on that perfect addition to the living room! Do! Do! Do! I really can see the logic in all of this. Maybe next tri-mester I'll finally find the energy.

I'll I can say is this is a whirlwind. This kid has no idea how much time and thought has already gone into it's tiny, little life, and we're just getting started.

6 weeks, 5 days

A whole heck of a lot has happened in this past week - to say the least. Starting with our first holiday celebration (minus drinking for me) with friends. We used it as an opportunity to tell our closest the good news. Everyone seemed a bit shocked, but the news went over well. Another first this past week was the first feelings of morning sickness. And they are right when they say it's not just in the morning. I can't complain too much, because I really only dealt with it for 3 days and now it's just an off and on sort of thing, but it certainly wasn't enjoyable. Full of dry heaving and waves of nausea; hopefully that's not to stay. Other than that, I haven't gained any weight at all, which I attribute to eating well and staying in the gym. I also don't have many of the other "common" symptoms anymore. It left me with a weird un-pregnant feeling.

This all led to Saturday night.... TJ was on shift that day and I was just exhausted. So tired that after sleeping till 10 I laid back down at 1:30 and didn't wake up till 6. For a baby so, so tiny, it sure does take a lot out of me. I got up had some food and went to the gym for a 1/2 hr or so. When I got home and used the bathroom I noticed I had some spotting, which absolutely terrified me. I immediately grabbed my baby book and the information is just so sporadic. Apparently this happens in 1/3 of all pregnancies (great. normal), but 1/2 of those pregnancies end in miscarriage (completely terrifying). I didn't really fall apart till TJ got home the next morning. All of that fear just came pouring out, and the worst part was that there was nothing we could do about it till the morning. We both got up early Monday (today) and started calling the doctor's office. They had us rush in for a check up, as we expected. After 8 viles of blood, and a quick doctor's check-up, they set us up with an appt. for our first ultrasound.

We had the ultrasound today, which was the upside of a stressful two days. And what an upside it was! We got to see and hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time!! I was actually surprised at how emotional it made me. I'm not sure if it was just the relief of seeing the heartbeat and seeing that there wasn't a problem, or just the amazingness of the experience alone. Probably a bit of both. TJ and I were both in tears with grins plastered across our faces. We'll have the doctor's version of the results tomorrow, but the ultrasound tech said everything looked normal and healthy. I really can't begin to explain the relief I felt and am feeling now. The tech took exact measurements and it looks like I'm actually 6 weeks and 5 days along. Our new due date is February 25. We're getting closer and closer to having this baby on our wedding anniversary :)

Little sprout is about the size of a blueberry this week and is (appropriately) "sprouting" it's arm and leg buds, which are starting to develop into their indivual parts (knees, feet, elbows, etc.). The babe is also something like 10,000 times the size it was at conception and it's developing 100 brain cells a minute. That's a busy little bee.

5 wks, 4 dys

So, here we are a week later. The fact that I'm pregnant is finally "starting" to set in. It's wonderful; it just feels a little (a lot) unbelieveable at times. TJ is on cloud nine, and we started telling friends and family this week. His parents were ecstatic, as we expected, but we got a much more random reaction (or lack of, really) from my parents. Not surprising when it comes to my family, unfortunately. It's been fun telling the news kind of slowly and selectively - like we have a secret, just between the two of us :) There's a healthy dose of nerves mixed in. The fear of miscarrage and then a problem with the baby is always in the back of our minds. We're trying to keep it in the back, though, as worrying is not going to change whatever the circumstances might be.

This has been a HUGE week of changes, both physically and in lifestyle. I'm experiencing my first of the pregnancy symptoms and am starting to feel pregnant. Most of the symptoms, of course, are less than pleasant - constipation, gassiness, bloatedness, tender boobs, REALLY frequent urination - really fun stuff. Fortunately, no morning sickness! I'm really, really hoping that that continues. The bloating kind of sucks. I feel like I'm walking around with a big bubble in my lower abdomen.

On the lifestyle note, I took a huge trip to the grocery store and got tons of food that fits into the "pregnancy diet". I've got this one chance to do this right, and I want to make sure that I'm filling my body with all of the nutrients that the little sprout needs. Plus there' s a ton of brain development going on in the next few weeks and it's the least I can do to make sure that's aided as much as possible. Obviously there's a full stop on any drinking and TJ's quitting smoking (finally). I'm still drinking a cup of coffee a day and the only thing I'm really missing right now is being able to drink wine. I'm trying to hit the gym at least 5 days a week and am really focused on controlling weight gain and staying strong throughout this thing.

We had our first doctor's visit the day I took this photo. He said everything looks great (although we won't have an ultrasound for another 4 1/2 wks). He did say that my uterus felt big for 5 weeks, but is was still "normal". God only knows what that means.

We're both busy reading our baby books. Names have been picked out (like 2 years ago), and I can't help but look at baby furniture. I know we're 15 steps ahead, but we're both just so excited. :)

4 wks

4wks.
I've decided to take pictures once a week for the next (36) weeks (yipes!, yes, that's all!). Maybe I'll make a flip book. ;)


So, this is the morning after I found out that we have a little one on the way. I hadn't even told TJ yet (he hadn't gotten off-shift yet). I barely slept the night before. Nerves and excitement all mixed together.
On a personal note, I'd been in the gym for the past month or two and was finally just seeing results. There was definitely a twinge of - "of course. now, no matter what I do I'm just going to get huge." Petty, I know, but truthful.
This day was just a bit overwhelming.

OMG.

uh. wow. here we go...